personal update: how i’m doing on the meds

Many people have asked how I’ve been doing. And I’m here to report that I’m doing very good, thank you very much!

My strong recommendation, though, is that she doesn’t up the dose to 30mg when I go back on the 24th. I think I’m just fine where I am. This has been great. It’s really helped me be able to sit and work on the lessons, charts, and notes I took in panic disorder therapy – and work on developing that “Teflon mind”.

The Trazadone was too strong. I’ve had to take the 50s and quarter them – much better – so I don’t wake up with “medication hangover”. I need to talk to her about all of that. But it’s true. I take my quarter, lay down an hour later, and pretty much go right to sleep. And then I rest. My god I’d forgotten what that was like. It’s been since … High school? Middle school? It’s been a long fucking time.

I’ve got a little notebook where I’ve been keeping notes on my moods, how I’ve felt, side effects when I’ve noticed them, etc, etc. I’ll take that with me when I go back on the 24th.

What’s impressed me the most? My mind is quiet. It’s totally not been this quiet since I was in high school that I can remember. Seriously. I noticed that on the first day. I was sitting here and all I could hear was the air filter on the aquarium. Everything else was so still and peaceful. And I could string two thoughts together. Incredible! My mind simply doesn’t race any more. Getting on the Prozac for that alone has been worth it to me; screw the calming effect.

And we know I’ll never be a day person by any stretch of the imagination, but I find that I do wake up and get around easier in the mornings now. Now that has been weird to adjust to. By the time I get up, take my meds, eat, shower, putter around, and then get Thomas up, I’ve read all my boards, twitter, and have probably read a chapter or two in the current book I’m reading. Or written 300 words or so. I’ve been productive.

I’ve not wanted to nap during the say. I still get draggy around 2pm. But I think that’s my natural rhythm – I’ve always been that way because waking up at 8am is hard. But I’m not so draggy that I want / need to sleep. Before all of this, when I’d send Thomas off to CLS, I’d just go into the bedroom and crash. Now I do housework / read / write. Sometimes around two, miss kitty and I’ll go lay down and read, but I don’t sleep.

Prozac has given me the energy I need to get through the day and to deal with everything. I’m happy with that and grateful. I’d have done this years ago but it just wasn’t time – I needed to find the right time and place, and I did. Finally.