she’s sleepin’

She weighed all of three pounds. They took one look at her and agreed with me that it was time. She didn’t even protest when I put her in the pillow case to take her out there. She laid on my lap in the car and laid still on the exam table at the clinic. She went to sleep in my arms.

And then. On the way home. I turned on the car radio, and it wasn’t on my usual station…And Norman Greenbaum’s Spirit in the Sky was just queuing up. So here I am, crying my eyes out, laughing, trying to drive. I know anybody who saw me thought I was psychotic.

When I got to our exit, I looked up and “our” big fat peregrine was sitting on the guardrail as if he was waiting for me…

When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that’s the best
When I lay me down to die
Goin’ up to the spirit in the sky
Goin’ up to the spirit in the sky
That’s where I’m gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that’s the best…

Grey Lady “Bird” Halcomb
– ? to Jan 19, 2007 –

we love you, bird

You’ll always be our special little angel…

So but yeah. We talked tonight and I’m going to run Preston to work tomorrow so I can just go ahead and take Grey Lady in in the morning.

christmas memory

Christmas 1994. I had driven down to Liberty after work to pick up the boys for a week. We stopped off at the Danville SuperWal-Mart, which was brand new back then. I snagged a shopping cart to dump the boys in because I didn’t feel like trudging across the parking lot or store holding their hands – they were five and three then. We were trundling down the sidewalk toward the “General Merchandise” doors when Tayler blurted out, “Are those great big alligators going to eat us, Mommy?” Thomas almost rolled he was laughing so hard.

I was like, “What? Alligators?”

The lady who was walking near us started laughing as hard as Thomas.

“Over there. Are those great big alligators going to eat us?” Tayler pointed to something along the front wall of the store.

I stopped to look. Then I started laughing so hard I ached. “Tayler! Those are Christmas trees! Christmas trees, not alligators!”

He said, “Oh. We’re safe, then.”

harlan memory

I can’t remember exactly when this happened, but it was during the four years I lived in Loyall with Preston and his parents. The house was full of people. His parents, us, one of his aunts, two (?) of his cousins. I stayed in the bedroom mostly because I don’t do large groups of people well, and partly because one of his cousins and I never got along well.

Well, they hauled out the 50s and 60s edition SongBurst and started playing. That’s always good for a laugh, no matter whose team you’re on. So, I’m sitting there in the bedroom, and I hear from the kitchen,

Before the day I met you,
Life was so unkind
You’re the key to my piece of mind

Cause you make me feel
You make me feel
You make me feel like a natural woman (woman)

– belted out by Preston and his cousin PJ…

two wrong things

1. I turned off the dvd player after watching The Day After Tomorrow only to hear, “And now, WLEX-18 Storm Tracker Weather with Bill Meck.”

2. While I was eating my dinner, Grey Lady was being a pest. A bigger pest than usual. It was pork chops, and she loves a good chop. She begged and begged for a bite – or hell, a whole chop to herself. So I ended up giving her several, then started telling her she was being rude and to sit quietly, please. She ignored me. MOW! MOW! MOW!

Well, I got interested in what was happening on Seinfeld and didn’t really pay attention to Miz Thang. So when I felt itty bitty paws on my leg, I didn’t pay attention to those, either – her front feet are very soft and declawed. But then I felt fur against my arm. What the hell? I turned my head back around, and there she was. Pretty as a picture. She was sitting on my leg with her front feet on the table and was looking around, surveying what I had to eat.

It’s really hard to bust ass while you’re cracking up.

some days i hate my life

Keep in mind I’ve had two hours of sleep since Monday evening.

This is the text of an e-mail I just sent Preston:

I called [new manager – found out the old one left] back because I hadn’t heard from her yet. And she said that unless they’re in direct violation of their lease, there’s not a whole lot they can do outside of moving THEM to another apartment. I told her I’m not fucking moving.

I just looked. And. The only thing the lease says about noise is that the community “shall not be used in violation of any applicable laws or ordinances nor so as to interfere with the quiet enjoyment of other residents of the apartment community.”

Well, they’ve fucked with my quiet enjoyment since March.

Maybe we should stick that phrase up the management’s ass and spin it around a few times??


The Devils Official Take on 06/06/06

Ok kids, don’t mean to rain on your parade of world ending calamity, But 06/06/06 is meaningless. It’s actually 06/06/2006. We truncate the 20 because apparently people are unable to manage four digits all at once. And it’s based on a calendar that didn’t exist at the time that I was thrown from heaven and tossed into The Great Pit. It’s a number conjured from a calendar that’s based on the timelines listed within the bible using christs death as it’s pivot point created years after his death. In the entire scope of good and evil, religion and philosophy, a truncated number, pulled from a meaningless calendar based on an unverified timeline does less for me than the new Subway commercials with John Lovitz. This 06/06/06 nonsense will be even more anticlimatic than the whole Y2K end of the world stuff. Hope you all still have your bottled water and spam.

Yours Laciviously


silly thing!

Grey Lady came up to me and said, “Momma, I heard you tell Daddy you’re leaving, and–” and she lopped over, all huge-eyed and frail.

I told her, “I won’t forget to get your dinner before I go!”

I swear she hopped up and smacked my arm before she ran down the hall!

Crazy crotchety cat!

and a free set of ginsu knives!

celticprincess wrote: I know there are tapes out there in welsh, irish galig and scots galig and some regional as well….that might be a cool buisness venture for some one, have them find SEVERAL people all who specialize in their own dialect..(and like i said first post, varients) like east irish and west irish…..

and with me so tired, my head got totally caught up in “have them find SEVERAL people all who specialize in their own dialect” …

I wrote: I must be really tired, more than I’m letting on … I’m sitting here laughing so hard that I scared the cat – and I hurt … But when I read this, my mind went straight to, “Learn to Talk Appul-atchun at your own House! But wait, there’s more!”

he’s funny, so i keep him

Preston said to someone in e-mail:

That’s all well and good for you, but I used to rock and roll all night and party every day. Then it was every other day…now I’m lucky to find half an hour a week in which to get funky. I’ve got to get out of this rut and back into the groove.